Why Ho is Not Good With Dates
Appeared without Ho-commentary in the Indy Star on 1/24/03
1. "Show up on time (never early). Don't bring a gift or flowers on the first date; chances are slim you'll pick something to her taste." ~ OK, I was always told that you should get there five minutes early or so in order to make a good impression on her rents and so that you don't keep her waiting. Silly me.
2. "Listen to what she says. Don't talk all night about your dog, car, boat, favorite sports team, job, or last girlfriend." ~ Those seem like the best ways to find out what the two of you have in common on a first date to me. Besides, my memory is so horrible that even when I DO listen, I would fail a quiz given by the date the next day.
3. "Do hold the door or chair for a woman. Don't use the line that "Women's lib made us equal." Any women will appreciate good manners." ~ No shit. Finally, one for three.
4. "Tip well. Don't talk to the waitress more than you talk to your date." ~ Personally I don't see the connection between tipping well and getting her to agree to a second date, which would mean I lose this one too. The last one is sexually biased (What if it's a guy?), so I'll ignore it.
5. "Dress with a sense of the occasion. That means shave and shower." ~ *sigh*
6. "Do tell her she looks nice. Don't say "Is that what you're wearing?" Insults in the name of honesty are still insults." ~ I'm not sure which way to go on this one. I can be good with compliments on looks, but that last line seems to underline my bluntness. I'll leave that as undecided.
7. "Clean out your car [or truck!] and have a full tank of gas. Getting stranded to build adventure into the evening is only funny in the movies." ~ I did that!!! The first time I ever cleaned Scurf was for a date I had later that night. And I'm not stupid - if I don't think I'm going to make it to my destination (Potato Creek, for instance), I put gas in the tank. I finally got another one, even if it's a no brainer...
8. "Go someplace fun. Don't take her to your regular hangout. You might be comfortable there, but she won't be on a first date." ~ As if my hangouts aren't fun? Hell, I don't have hangouts.
9. "Have a sense of humor and laugh at yourself if things get awkward." ~ Um...if you start laughing hysterically during an awkward moment for no apparent reason, won't things just get even more awkward? Not to mention the fact that you'll probably scare the poo out of her. I'm more of a "threaten to fork somebody in the restaurant to death" type of guy.
10. "Call if you say you will. Don't say you will call if you won't. "Little white lies" don't save anyone's feelings. Keep mum if you haven't made up your mind." ~ Does anyone actually still use that line anymore?
Appeared without Ho-commentary in the Indy Star on 1/24/03
1. "Show up on time (never early). Don't bring a gift or flowers on the first date; chances are slim you'll pick something to her taste." ~ OK, I was always told that you should get there five minutes early or so in order to make a good impression on her rents and so that you don't keep her waiting. Silly me.
2. "Listen to what she says. Don't talk all night about your dog, car, boat, favorite sports team, job, or last girlfriend." ~ Those seem like the best ways to find out what the two of you have in common on a first date to me. Besides, my memory is so horrible that even when I DO listen, I would fail a quiz given by the date the next day.
3. "Do hold the door or chair for a woman. Don't use the line that "Women's lib made us equal." Any women will appreciate good manners." ~ No shit. Finally, one for three.
4. "Tip well. Don't talk to the waitress more than you talk to your date." ~ Personally I don't see the connection between tipping well and getting her to agree to a second date, which would mean I lose this one too. The last one is sexually biased (What if it's a guy?), so I'll ignore it.
5. "Dress with a sense of the occasion. That means shave and shower." ~ *sigh*
6. "Do tell her she looks nice. Don't say "Is that what you're wearing?" Insults in the name of honesty are still insults." ~ I'm not sure which way to go on this one. I can be good with compliments on looks, but that last line seems to underline my bluntness. I'll leave that as undecided.
7. "Clean out your car [or truck!] and have a full tank of gas. Getting stranded to build adventure into the evening is only funny in the movies." ~ I did that!!! The first time I ever cleaned Scurf was for a date I had later that night. And I'm not stupid - if I don't think I'm going to make it to my destination (Potato Creek, for instance), I put gas in the tank. I finally got another one, even if it's a no brainer...
8. "Go someplace fun. Don't take her to your regular hangout. You might be comfortable there, but she won't be on a first date." ~ As if my hangouts aren't fun? Hell, I don't have hangouts.
9. "Have a sense of humor and laugh at yourself if things get awkward." ~ Um...if you start laughing hysterically during an awkward moment for no apparent reason, won't things just get even more awkward? Not to mention the fact that you'll probably scare the poo out of her. I'm more of a "threaten to fork somebody in the restaurant to death" type of guy.
10. "Call if you say you will. Don't say you will call if you won't. "Little white lies" don't save anyone's feelings. Keep mum if you haven't made up your mind." ~ Does anyone actually still use that line anymore?
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