Charlie Brown is a Jew
Lucy is a Nazi, But You Already Knew That
You probably think I'm joking. I'm not.
I've seen "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" almost every year of my life, I feel pretty comfortable looking at the deeper meaning behind this beloved classic. Imagine my astonishment earlier this evening when the true meaning behind the animated special hit me:
Charlie and Sally Brown are stupid, Jewish, and should be stoned.*
Rationale:
First of all, these two kids are Browns. Historically, Browns are Jewish. There are notable exceptions, but since this isn't a main point, I'll let it be.
Second, Sally threatens to sue Linus for missing tricks-or-treats when the Great Pumpkin does not show up on All Hallows Eve. Litigation comes as naturally to Jews as wailing does.
Person/Being with the most suits against him: Jehovah.
And Jews wonder why He's always pissed.
What's with all of the whining? Seriously. Knock it off. Charlie can't get any from the red-headed girl and he's left out pretty often, but so is every kid. Chuck takes the Jewish approach and just whines about it a lot though. There's not a whole lot of action taken (or gotten). You can bet your ass that our friend in the yellow shirt has been to the wall a few times himself with requests for booty and some ball skills.
Speaking of his yellow shirt, do you know what you'd get if you took the design on Charlie Brown's shirt and laid it out flat, connecting the ends? The Star of David, my friends. Oh yeah. Definitely a Jew.
But Josh, why should we stone the Jews? Haven't they been plagued enough by locusts and other bizzare animals? Where did you get such an absurd idea? I got it our of Charlie Brown's trick-or-treat bag! All the kid got was rocks. Obviously this is a not-so-subtle hint from the neighbors that he should take his begging back to the Wall (see above). It's not such a bad idea, really. I'm sure there are lots of single 12 year old widows begging for a new husband. All he's got to do is walk on the stage and *boom* - sex so fast and furious that frogs and fire would be falling from the sky in no time.
It amazes me that Lucy would even condescend to be seen around town with him, even if they were both in costumes. Lucy* and Linus were both German, as evidenced by their last names. Is it any wonder that Lucy was always trying to get Charlie Brown to kill himself playing football? And is it any wonder that the Linus/Sally thing never worked out? It's like a 20th century Romeo and Juliet - damned by their mutually exclusive backgrounds.
Let's not fall for the anti-Semetic subliminal messages of Peanuts. Take a stand. Love a Jew.
* - I am sure that the first question that crossed your mind was something like "Was he watching this with a little square of paper on his tongue?" Whether I was or not is not the point.
* - Lucy dyed her hair. Nobody has hair that's naturally that black.
Lucy is a Nazi, But You Already Knew That
You probably think I'm joking. I'm not.
I've seen "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" almost every year of my life, I feel pretty comfortable looking at the deeper meaning behind this beloved classic. Imagine my astonishment earlier this evening when the true meaning behind the animated special hit me:
Charlie and Sally Brown are stupid, Jewish, and should be stoned.*
Rationale:
First of all, these two kids are Browns. Historically, Browns are Jewish. There are notable exceptions, but since this isn't a main point, I'll let it be.
Second, Sally threatens to sue Linus for missing tricks-or-treats when the Great Pumpkin does not show up on All Hallows Eve. Litigation comes as naturally to Jews as wailing does.
Person/Being with the most suits against him: Jehovah.
And Jews wonder why He's always pissed.
What's with all of the whining? Seriously. Knock it off. Charlie can't get any from the red-headed girl and he's left out pretty often, but so is every kid. Chuck takes the Jewish approach and just whines about it a lot though. There's not a whole lot of action taken (or gotten). You can bet your ass that our friend in the yellow shirt has been to the wall a few times himself with requests for booty and some ball skills.
Speaking of his yellow shirt, do you know what you'd get if you took the design on Charlie Brown's shirt and laid it out flat, connecting the ends? The Star of David, my friends. Oh yeah. Definitely a Jew.
But Josh, why should we stone the Jews? Haven't they been plagued enough by locusts and other bizzare animals? Where did you get such an absurd idea? I got it our of Charlie Brown's trick-or-treat bag! All the kid got was rocks. Obviously this is a not-so-subtle hint from the neighbors that he should take his begging back to the Wall (see above). It's not such a bad idea, really. I'm sure there are lots of single 12 year old widows begging for a new husband. All he's got to do is walk on the stage and *boom* - sex so fast and furious that frogs and fire would be falling from the sky in no time.
It amazes me that Lucy would even condescend to be seen around town with him, even if they were both in costumes. Lucy* and Linus were both German, as evidenced by their last names. Is it any wonder that Lucy was always trying to get Charlie Brown to kill himself playing football? And is it any wonder that the Linus/Sally thing never worked out? It's like a 20th century Romeo and Juliet - damned by their mutually exclusive backgrounds.
Let's not fall for the anti-Semetic subliminal messages of Peanuts. Take a stand. Love a Jew.
* - I am sure that the first question that crossed your mind was something like "Was he watching this with a little square of paper on his tongue?" Whether I was or not is not the point.
* - Lucy dyed her hair. Nobody has hair that's naturally that black.
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