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Real Men of Balls or My Yearly Salute to Men Like Me Every year, I like to pull everyone's attention away from the watermelon and fireworks and back to the reason for the season. We come together on this hot and humid day in the middle of the summer to celebrate one of the few holidays dedicated to the men with real coconuts who signed the document that declared the independence of our country. This took more cajones that actually fighting the war did. If the war had been the hard part, we'd have a day to mark the end of it. No, we have a day to remember what it took to sign that piece of paper and send it back across the water. People, you gotta remember - at that time, what they said in that document was downright harsh. It was a verbal bitch-slapping of their (former) king, who was already pissed over the whole Lexington and Concord thing. I wish we still did cool shit like that. Nowadays, war is rarely waged for a concept so righteous. We ignore the problems in our ...
Live 8 Gets a Finger, Not a Fist or I Hate Whiney, Poor People Live 8 - that strange concoction of celebrities and musical stars who try to sound educated about something besides their own careers - pisses me off. Dave Matthews was on camera trying to convince people that rich countries have the means to eliminate AIDS (meaning medically). Ashley Judd was running around the streets of Madagascar, looking into the tents of the women who sell their bodies for money. And the idiocy just continued. No, we do not have the means to eliminate AIDS. Although it would help both the poverty situation and the AIDS situation if the African men didn't spend every penny they earned on sex in the street. You want me to support an effort to give horny men more sex? And then spread more AIDS that they will require even more money to wipe out? No. Not gonna happen. None of this "We don't want money, only support" bullshit either. Support means money. We're America - we...
The Master Review or The End of the Six Months of Aural Glory The first artists of the year to grace us with new material was Doves, with their third studio album "Some Cities." The title track, streamed from several different sites before the actual release of the album, immediately hooks the listeners with the insistent drumming that Doves are so well-known for (at least, among friends). This is not a rehashing of "Lost Souls," which seems to have lead a lot of fans to give the album less-than-stellar reviews. This isn't even an attempt at the epic art rock that comprised the first two albums. These are short stories, learned and told as the band traveled all around the UK over the past two years. Instead of one giant panoramic work, there are either three or four, depending on where you feel the music changes mood the most (if at all). I can't stop listening to this album. Josh Rating: 9.6 Ben Folds' long overdue return to the studio should make the f...
A Little Something Different or This Is Probably Wasted Effort, But... Usually I don't take time to try to convince people to read a certain book. People don't read - this is an established fact of life, however much I might despise people for it. Tonight however, I feel the need to break precedent over the work I just finished. Tigana , as you may have guessed from the title, is a single novel in the fantasy genre by Guy Gavriel Kay. The author admits in the Afterward that this was probably a risky place to talk about the themes he wished to discuss, only because most people who read a fantasy novel are there for action, magic, swords, and the like. Tigana has all of these; in fact, the climax had my jaw hanging open for roughly 30 pages. (1) It's the themes of the book, however - power, the ambiguity of "good" and "bad," and the way politics and partisianship can fracture a country/region - that leave you glued to your seat, turning over the sto...
Top Ten Things To Do While Viewing "Episode III" or Attention Hardcore Fans - This Is A Joke WARNING - Spoilers below. And I'm not responsible for any incorrect spellings of "words" that only exist in the mind of Lucas. 10. The minute the first words appear on the screen, stand up and walk to the back of the theater, shouting "Damn it, I've seen this one already!"  9. Loudly whisper to the people around you "Isn't that Manhattan?" every time we see a panoramic shot of Corizant.  8. Start singing "Love Stinks" when Anakin chokes Padme.  7. Start singing "Highway to Hell" when Anakin and Obi Wan are floating down the river of lava.  6. Weep softly as Mace Windu and Senator Palpatine are locked in combat and wail in a deep voice "I'm melllllllting, melllllllllting...".  5. Mutter to those around you about how the Orcs have really let themselves go when we get our first shots of the Wookie's ho...
For Sale: One (1) Soul or I Hope I Don't Regret This So. If you're a fan of Oasis but secretly hate their biggest fan (me), then have I got a deal for you. Best Buy is packaging a bonus disc with their copies of "Don't Believe The Truth," out on May 31st. I've already preordered both a vinyl copy and the Japanese import copy of the album, so three copies would be a little over the top. But I must have this bonus disc (5 live cuts of some of their greatest hits). Name your price. The bidding starts now. But be nice. Please?
Irritations #3 or I Hate Doyle Hall Nothing like moving in to a room and finding... ...Coke and duct tape goop all over the floor. ...shelves that break once you've gotten several things on top. ...cable television lines that do not work. ...Internet that does not work. ...two desk chairs, one desk. ...a suspiciously clear and sticky puddle in the middle of the desk. ...a phone whose keys get stuck and whose messages I can't retrieve. ...a mirror so low that the only hair I could comb (if I had any) would be chest hair. ...my paychecks (which I need to live) have been forwarded to my home address. No, that doesn't count as more than one Irritation. It's all one big reason to beat the living hell out of someone. I was in Marian Hall this morning trying to clear up some of these matters with the individuals who are in charge of the different things when I met on the stairs with the Dean of Campus Ministry (a great guy named Don) and some guy named Bob who's high up o...