Musing

I can't help but share another link; this time, I'm taking you to news only of slightly more importance than the return of Hootie and the Blowfish. Let me say right off the bat that I certainly am no trophy myself, but is this guy for real? Looks to me like a 60 year old Ken doll that's been stuck in the microwave. Hopefully, unless Yahoo shuffles the pictures, the guy I'm referring to will be the very top thumbnail listed. He should have a bunch of flags behind him as he's standing at a podium. That face just cracked me up. Maybe it was just me.

"This is one is my personal favorite experiences happened this past week. Have you ever pulled on to the highway and left your blinker on cause the genius who designed your car didn't think that you would be making a turn not as sharp as a Formula 1 hair pen? Well I did and I am just driving along at the maximum speed my little Ford Ranger (The Danger Ranger for those of you who know it well) will let me go, so roughly 50 mph, with the glorious sounds of Led Zeppelin playing at the high possible volume, when I look next to me and there is a man in a truck that shows how much he needs to compensate for "other things" in his life, is matching my speed and, worst of all, is making eye contact with me! So I look over and give him the standard, "What in the hell are you looking at?" shrug, when he pulls out a laminated card from his middle console that has the words "TURN SIGNAL!" printed on it in huge block letters. Let me repeat that...A LAMINATE...

Thank God - they're not dead yet.

Homeland Security Advises Purchasing Duct-tape Reported by J. Ho for Holand Press Indianapolis, IN - Days after raising the level of terror awareness from "Yuh-oh" Yellow to "Oh shit!" Orange, head of the Homeland Security Department Tom Ridge released a list safety precautions that he suggested the general public take into consideration in the ensuing weeks. Ridge's no-nonsense attitude towards the matter ("To be honest with you, I will spend the next six months in a deep underground bunker with my wife and kids, as well as the teddy bear I've had since I was two, Binky. He's such a cutie.") has created substantial amounts of concern across the county. Canned food and other non-perishable foodstuffs top the list, along with a few toiletries, batteries, and a small radio to listen for announcements in the case of disaster. Toward the end of the list of recommended purchases, however, several items can be found that the average citiz...

Top Ten Signs that the Apocolypse is Near or "You know we're getting old when..." 10. Ho kicks Tori's ass off of the Twister board. 9. Heaton decides that his computer is fine just the way it is. 8. Jennifer is seen driving to...well...driving. 7. "Blackberry Picking" suddenly gains the other dimension that it already supposedly has. 6. McRoe passes up a chance for any form of alcoholic beverage, even rubbing alcohol on the rocks. 5. Ho kicks Tori's ass. 4. Venting Inc. gives birth to it's first dependent blog - Sons and Daughters of Venters, Inc. 3. Phil the Thrill, Igor, or Scurf drive their last mile. (uh oh) 2. Spurling becomes the head cheese of the ACLU. And the number one sign the the apocolypse is near is... The world in general develops an appreciation for the Fuzz. :-P

Why Ho is Not Good With Dates Appeared without Ho-commentary in the Indy Star on 1/24/03 1. "Show up on time (never early). Don't bring a gift or flowers on the first date; chances are slim you'll pick something to her taste." ~ OK, I was always told that you should get there five minutes early or so in order to make a good impression on her rents and so that you don't keep her waiting. Silly me. 2. "Listen to what she says. Don't talk all night about your dog, car, boat, favorite sports team, job, or last girlfriend." ~ Those seem like the best ways to find out what the two of you have in common on a first date to me. Besides, my memory is so horrible that even when I DO listen, I would fail a quiz given by the date the next day. 3. "Do hold the door or chair for a woman. Don't use the line that "Women's lib made us equal." Any women will appreciate good manners." ~ No shit. Finally, one for three....

***Warning: Do not read this if you have anything against learning things outside of the classroom.*** This may not be anything new to you Zharticans, but I learned that absolute zero does NOT mean total lack of movement at the atomic level. I tried to question the prof about it afterwards, and he just gave me something about a ground level energy state that all atoms/molecules have to maintain. This seems incredibly obvious now that he says it, so I had to give myself a hearty slap on the forehead. On a more revolutionary front, I was skimming a book by Stephen Hawking in Waldenbooks yesterday and I came across something even more interesting: while parallel universes are things of science fiction and science fiction only, similar universes exist...somewhere. Things got technical beyond my ability to grasp in a simple skimming, but the way I understood it, there's a LOT of other J. A. Holewczynski's out there, which rocks me in this world, if not all of the others....