Musing

December's Balls of the Month Award or And I Thought Greyhound Stations in NYC Were Bad... This kid is pretty unbelievable. I'm not saying I agree with his statement that terrorists are "pure evil" or other such moral ideals, but to run away to Iraq at 16 to get a good story, that kid's gotta have the biggest rocks in Florida. Way to go, kid. Now the question is - where do I have to go to beat that?

The 2005 Ho Music Awards Contestants or Yes, This Is Rather Late Here are the current nominees for each award for this year's HMAs. Usually I like to get these published by the beginning of November, but the past month was very busy and it had to be put off. Song of the Year One of These Days ~ Doves Pass Me Down the Wine ~ Oasis Hollow ~ Better Than Ezra Fix You ~ Coldplay Now Comes the Night ~ Rob Thomas Album of the Year Some Cities ~ Doves Rebel, Sweetheart ~ The Wallflowers Don't Believe the Truth ~ Oasis X&Y ~ Coldplay Retro Songs of the Year [As usual, these songs are simply listed instead of debated over, since I can choose as many as I want. Therefore, those songs stay unlisted until the day of the awards.] Discovery Artist of the Year Elbow Glen Phillips Toad the Wet Sprocket Input is always welcome, although in the end I hold total veto power.

A Terrible Burden or Hardly Funny First, I want to apologize for bringing the word "Iraq" to Musing. I never wanted to see it happen either, but the article below took me to a new level of "speechlessly pissed off" that I didn't even know existed. Allow me to direct your attention to the following address. Enjoy the words of our glorious vice-president before you continue reading. Finished? Disgusted? I hope so. Let me repeat my favorite part: "We never had the burden of proof," he said, adding that it had been up to Iraqi President Saddam Hussein to prove to the world that he didn't have such weapons. Are you fucking kidding me? The burden of proof? If that's how the Bush Administration is going to try to convince us that we weren't misled on issues about the war in Iraq, then it's a miracle that people haven't shown up with pitchforks and Molotov cocktails at the front gates of the White House. I don't even know what...

Learning How To Spell Fiance or Maybe You'll Even Be Invited For a guy, the hardest part of The Whole Engagement Thing is buying The Ring. You don't buy a ring unless you have decided to take the relationship all the way to The Next Level. Yet, as someone has been telling me for weeks, there's still something very magical about putting The Ring on her finger and hearing her return that "yes." Even if she didn't wait for The Question to cross my lips. Yup. She said yes. I'm still reeling, too.

Attention Rev. Kieran McHugh or This Makes Me Appreciate My Fan Base Even More How many of you have heard/read about this ? [Thanks to /. for first bringing this to my attention.] Are you serious, Reverend? I hope your students stage such a revolt that you think your students have been possessed, although it sounds like your already might be given to that inclination. Giving you the benefit of the doubt in regards to your intentions of saving your students from obscene advances by sexual predators, your response is still of equal but opposite obscenity. Typically, the thought of the ACLU makes me shudder, but in this scenario I would gladly bring the ACLU to your doorstep to give you a legal slap across the face. Let me put this situation in your terms. Let's say I'm the President of the United States. One day, I decide that God isn't a safe topic anymore. Religion gets people all excited, even violent sometimes. Best to just shut down all conversation about God/Yah...

The Greatest Murder Mystery of All Time or Re-re-re-re-reading Pays Off Ahhhh, the Age-old question: "Who killed Asmodean?" Give me your thoughts on this. Four of the Forsaken were plotting together during TFoH - Lanfear, Graendal, Sammael, and Rahvin. TFoH, pg 390: "He will concentrate on you, Sammael," [Rahvin] said in a deep voice. "If need be, one close to him will die, plainly at your order. He will come for you. And while he is fixed on you alone, the three of us, linked, will take him." Rahvin was balefired in Caemlyn before Asmo died, so he's out. Sammael was waiting in Illian, expecting Rand to come charging across the continent to kill him. Although it seems possible that Sammy could have Traveled to Cairhien when he learned of Rahvin's death to deal with Asmo, RJ ruled out this possibility at a book signing a couple of years ago. Lanfear was in Cairhien, but had just fallen through the doors into Finnland. Supposedly, the killer i...

You Will Continue to be Disappointed or Never Hurts to See My Stat Counter Go Up For Nothing Yes, I still write here. No, I haven't written here in a while. Yes, I will make at least one serious entry here this month. No, it probably won't be terribly soon. Yes, this entry might count. No, not really. In the meantime, go listen to Elbow . If you know what good music sounds like, your ears will hear this and have an orgasm. Try to clean up before your mother sees you like that.

What Did You Expect? or When You Play With Fire... Feeling sorry for all of the people in New Orleans? Not me. What bunch of whiney morons. "Oh no, our city is flooding, save us!" You know, your city wouldn't have flooded nearly so badly if you'd built it somewhere else, say, above sea level . I'd love to take a multi-million dollar yacht and boat around the "streets" of the city, blaring DMB's "Don't Drink the Water" at the people huddled on the rooftops. Unfortunately, we the taxpayers are going to be paying for every idiot who decided to live at the bottom of the empty pool that was New Orleans. Money for troops, money for buildings, money for food, money for medicine - you can bet that more people have never been fined for the stupidity of others than now. I've never seen people more surprised to see water in a pool in my life. I'd actually give money to Live 8 before I'd voluntarily give money to help those peopl...

As Another Year Begins or The Crickets Are Coming Through The Wall Just for once, I wish this school would surprise me...in a positive way. Alas, I move upstairs for more space and have to trade off the semi-sound quality of my walls downstairs for ones that are allowing crickets to infest my room. I know St. Francis was really into animals, but this is gross. In other more interesting and less repulsive news, Sarah and I celebrate three years together today. I would advise Indy residents to avoid using 465 on the north side, since the parade will by marching down most of the eastbound lane from 465/86th to 465/Michigan early this afternoon. The parade route will be followed by none other than Willard Scott himself (who I'm beginning to think will one day be put into a giant jar of Smuckers preserves for posterity). Plan your day accordingly. Sorry if that ended up being repulsive after all. Now NASA is trying to steal my ideas for nanotechnology. I won't sue as long as I...

Real Men of Balls or My Yearly Salute to Men Like Me Every year, I like to pull everyone's attention away from the watermelon and fireworks and back to the reason for the season. We come together on this hot and humid day in the middle of the summer to celebrate one of the few holidays dedicated to the men with real coconuts who signed the document that declared the independence of our country. This took more cajones that actually fighting the war did. If the war had been the hard part, we'd have a day to mark the end of it. No, we have a day to remember what it took to sign that piece of paper and send it back across the water. People, you gotta remember - at that time, what they said in that document was downright harsh. It was a verbal bitch-slapping of their (former) king, who was already pissed over the whole Lexington and Concord thing. I wish we still did cool shit like that. Nowadays, war is rarely waged for a concept so righteous. We ignore the problems in our ...

Live 8 Gets a Finger, Not a Fist or I Hate Whiney, Poor People Live 8 - that strange concoction of celebrities and musical stars who try to sound educated about something besides their own careers - pisses me off. Dave Matthews was on camera trying to convince people that rich countries have the means to eliminate AIDS (meaning medically). Ashley Judd was running around the streets of Madagascar, looking into the tents of the women who sell their bodies for money. And the idiocy just continued. No, we do not have the means to eliminate AIDS. Although it would help both the poverty situation and the AIDS situation if the African men didn't spend every penny they earned on sex in the street. You want me to support an effort to give horny men more sex? And then spread more AIDS that they will require even more money to wipe out? No. Not gonna happen. None of this "We don't want money, only support" bullshit either. Support means money. We're America - we...

The Master Review or The End of the Six Months of Aural Glory The first artists of the year to grace us with new material was Doves, with their third studio album "Some Cities." The title track, streamed from several different sites before the actual release of the album, immediately hooks the listeners with the insistent drumming that Doves are so well-known for (at least, among friends). This is not a rehashing of "Lost Souls," which seems to have lead a lot of fans to give the album less-than-stellar reviews. This isn't even an attempt at the epic art rock that comprised the first two albums. These are short stories, learned and told as the band traveled all around the UK over the past two years. Instead of one giant panoramic work, there are either three or four, depending on where you feel the music changes mood the most (if at all). I can't stop listening to this album. Josh Rating: 9.6 Ben Folds' long overdue return to the studio should make the f...

A Little Something Different or This Is Probably Wasted Effort, But... Usually I don't take time to try to convince people to read a certain book. People don't read - this is an established fact of life, however much I might despise people for it. Tonight however, I feel the need to break precedent over the work I just finished. Tigana , as you may have guessed from the title, is a single novel in the fantasy genre by Guy Gavriel Kay. The author admits in the Afterward that this was probably a risky place to talk about the themes he wished to discuss, only because most people who read a fantasy novel are there for action, magic, swords, and the like. Tigana has all of these; in fact, the climax had my jaw hanging open for roughly 30 pages. (1) It's the themes of the book, however - power, the ambiguity of "good" and "bad," and the way politics and partisianship can fracture a country/region - that leave you glued to your seat, turning over the sto...

Top Ten Things To Do While Viewing "Episode III" or Attention Hardcore Fans - This Is A Joke WARNING - Spoilers below. And I'm not responsible for any incorrect spellings of "words" that only exist in the mind of Lucas. 10. The minute the first words appear on the screen, stand up and walk to the back of the theater, shouting "Damn it, I've seen this one already!"  9. Loudly whisper to the people around you "Isn't that Manhattan?" every time we see a panoramic shot of Corizant.  8. Start singing "Love Stinks" when Anakin chokes Padme.  7. Start singing "Highway to Hell" when Anakin and Obi Wan are floating down the river of lava.  6. Weep softly as Mace Windu and Senator Palpatine are locked in combat and wail in a deep voice "I'm melllllllting, melllllllllting...".  5. Mutter to those around you about how the Orcs have really let themselves go when we get our first shots of the Wookie's ho...

For Sale: One (1) Soul or I Hope I Don't Regret This So. If you're a fan of Oasis but secretly hate their biggest fan (me), then have I got a deal for you. Best Buy is packaging a bonus disc with their copies of "Don't Believe The Truth," out on May 31st. I've already preordered both a vinyl copy and the Japanese import copy of the album, so three copies would be a little over the top. But I must have this bonus disc (5 live cuts of some of their greatest hits). Name your price. The bidding starts now. But be nice. Please?

Irritations #3 or I Hate Doyle Hall Nothing like moving in to a room and finding... ...Coke and duct tape goop all over the floor. ...shelves that break once you've gotten several things on top. ...cable television lines that do not work. ...Internet that does not work. ...two desk chairs, one desk. ...a suspiciously clear and sticky puddle in the middle of the desk. ...a phone whose keys get stuck and whose messages I can't retrieve. ...a mirror so low that the only hair I could comb (if I had any) would be chest hair. ...my paychecks (which I need to live) have been forwarded to my home address. No, that doesn't count as more than one Irritation. It's all one big reason to beat the living hell out of someone. I was in Marian Hall this morning trying to clear up some of these matters with the individuals who are in charge of the different things when I met on the stairs with the Dean of Campus Ministry (a great guy named Don) and some guy named Bob who's high up o...

Things You Should Know Before You Get Inside Scurf or This List Could Save Your Life  1. Don't mess with the volume. You have to wait about 15 minutes before you will be able to turn it back up to a volume that I can hear. I become rather irate without music when I'm driving, so if you value your life, don't touch the volume button.  2. The passenger side window has to be rolled up before the driver's side window, otherwise a eardrum-rupturing whistle will make the whole question of the volume of the stereo rather pointless.  3. Yes, the brake light is flashing. Don't worry about it.  4. Gently coax the seatbelt around you. A hard jerk is never a good thing. Ever.  5. If you steal the little black man on my dashboard, I will chase you. In Scurf.  6. No riding in Scurf unless you are willing and able to push him.  7. Riding in the bed of the truck is prohibited, unless you are part of a TP crew that is trying to make a desperate getaway at ...

The Simple Things or Signs Your Brain is Fried, Vol. I I give up. Whoever invented the process that allows Aquafresh toothpaste to always come out in stripes should be awarded the Nobel Prize in Awesomeness.

The Year in Review or On the Fallacy of a College Education What a year. This year, I finally penetrated the myth of genius surrounding college degrees. This year, I took a stand against the bullshit that surrounds our state and federal education policies. This year, I grabbed my own education by the balls, wrestled it to the ground, and made it my bitch. This year, I cut the red tape that was stopping so many people from getting help with their network and computer issues around campus. This year, I was awarded history's highest paid summer work study position ever here at Marian College. This has been the Year of Josh. This, the year of disillusionment! You college students, I'm talking to you now. Maybe you were smart enough to do what I did a long time ago. Little good it does any of us. Look around you. We're all surrounded by idiots. College degrees aren't earned as much as bought anymore. I don’t mean to demean anyone’s efforts – God knows that everyo...

Work in Progress or Keep Your Pants On (Unless You Are Christine Taylor) Two things: - I can't say that the wait will ultimately be worth it, but I can say that in terms of length, this next post is a doozy. Look for it within a week. Warning: Most of it has been written in an atypically arrogant mood. - Musical note (haha): Audioslave's second album, titled "Out of Exile," is due to be released on May 17th, which makes seven consecutive weeks in a row that at least one phenomenal album will be released on Tuesday (barring May 3rd).

March Madness in Holand or Remember When You Could Always Count On Certain Teams? I get into sports exactly twice a year. The first time is college football season. Most of my fall weekends are spent watching Notre Dame or any other team that might be on. The second time is when the Madness hits. I always thought of the Madness as the frenzy of game-watching and bracket-building that lead to the Big Dance. But now, some punks have decided to add a little more madness to the Madness. In particular, I'm talking about UAB, Bucknell, Vermont, and Univ. of Wisconsin-Milwakee. The bracket breakers. The teams that should have been sent home dribbling by tonight at the latest are now headlining what CBS is referring to as the four greatest performances of the series. So now my Chicago and Syracuse brackets are officially fubar, and even though I'm calling for Illinios when it's all said and done, nobody has been putting in any stellar performances. On the one hand, it'...

The Four Months of Greatness or Blessings for Your Ears March 1st - Doves - Some Cities April 26th - Ben Folds - Songs for Silverman April 26th - Better Than Ezra - Before the Robots May 10th - Dave Matthews Band - Stand Up May 24th - The Wallflowers - Rebel, Sweetheart May 30th - Oasis - Don't Believe the Truth June 6th - Coldplay - X

What Will Happen To YOU When I Take Over The World? or Are You Too Stupid to Procreate? Don't take this if you can't handle the truth. 1.) Let's start with something you've already had a few seconds to think about. Do you really think that you are too stupid to procreate? A. No, the world is better for having my living genes in the pool. B. DON'T TAKE AWAY MY NOOKIE!! C. I'm still looking up "procreate." How do you spell that again? 2.) dO u TyPe LiKe DiS aLl Da TyMe?!? lOlZ!! A. Just seeing that makes me want to shoot you. B. I thought "tyme" had an 'i' in it... C. lOlZ!! 3.) When you graduate, which field of work would suit you best? A. Smashing subatomic particles with the new JoshBuilt (TM) Particle Accelerators B. Smashing potatoes to feed to my family C. Smashing beer cans with my forehead 4.) If you could choose a new national anthem, what would it be? A. "Columbia" ~ Oasis B....

Insomniac's Digest or A Voice Spoke From Out of the Cave Assorted tidbits of news from the sharpest mathematician to ever cut the cheese: ~ The ESA has officially warned Marian College for the number of students who are illegally downloading music, video, and gaming files on our network, prompting the Director of Technology to issue an official memorandum the minute he got off the phone asking everyone to remove all downloading software. Apparently, the Tech Department got several phone calls from students who wanted to know how to get the software off of their computers. Um, excuse me, but what kind of dumb shit are you if you put things on your computer which you don't know how to remove? Idiots. Notice, however, that I only said "several phone calls." We still believe that most people didn't remove their apps, which will mean some nice new IP tracking software will be in the budget very soon. ~ While a minor in Sociology was rumored to be in th...

The Excitement is Building or [big grin] Oasis fans, we have an unconfirmed track listing for the new album! Various sources, while not quoting an original source, seem to believe that most of it is authentic. The title of the album, "Don't Believe the Truth", was recently confirmed by one of the Gallagher brothers. Hopefully they keep it, cos I like it. I've heard a live clip of Stop the Clocks, and several of the others have been mentioned by Noel himself in various interviews. The boys recorded 66 songs for this album (!) and wanted to release a double album, but they don't want to give Sony that much goodness (this is their last contracted album with Sony). 1. Love Is Like A Bomb 2. The Meaning Of Soul 3. Stop The Clocks 4. A Bell Will Ring 5. Mucky Fingers 6. Mosquito 7. Guess God Thinks I’m Able 8. Part Of The Queue 9. Lord Don't Slow Me Down 10. I Stand Alone 11. The Importance Of Being Idle 12. I Want To Live In A Dream In My R...

The 2004 Ho's Choice Music Awards Welcome one and all to the most anticipated post of every year on Musing - the HCMAs! Without further ado, let's get it on. Discovery Artist of the Year - Dave Matthews Band In the band's own way, DMB has become my number one fav. There's no denying the unbelievable amount of creativity and skill that it takes to improvise and to jam like this jam band does. They're like the jazz musicians of the rock genre. And indeed, with a saxophonist and a violinist, they are nothing like your typical rock band. For the ability to cover the entire gamut of emotions that any one person can feel and for skill virtually unsurpassed by any others, there is really no other choice more deserving of this award than the Dave Matthews Band. Album of the Year - Get Born by Jet Start to finish, this album is 100% rock 'n' roll music at its best. The fact that they sound like an early version of Oasis or The Strokes helps t...

Happy & Optimistic [Alternate Take] - Updated or Bookmania! Having forced my musical opinions on all of you only a couples weeks ago, I decided that I may as well continue the abuse and mention (as briefly as possible) which books I am looking forward to in this year 2005. ~ Robert Jordan has taken a lot of shit for the slow pace of the last four Wheel of Time books, but for fans like myself who are willing to forgive all of his faults just so we can make it to the Last Battle, the anticipation over 2005's release ( Knife of Dreams ) is building steadily. No official month of release yet, although Tor's website promises "early 2005." Yeah, I'll believe it when I'm holding it in my two hands. ~ Just a few days ago, the official release date for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was announced - July 16th. Very few details have been released as of yet, other than the teaser that the opening chapter of HPatHBP has been brewing in the author...